The lead up to Christmas is such a busy time and it can be quite difficult to keep up with everything. My Chronic Fatigue Syndrome limits my activities so much but I don’t want it to destroy me Christmas, it’s the happiest time of the year and I want to enjoy it. Unfortunately if I take part in an activity, it has consequences and the next day the fatigue will hit me and I might not be able to get out of bed. Today has been one of those days, I slept in till twelve, attempted to get up to meet family but couldn’t manage it. I was falling asleep standing up and every part of my body ached.
For the last three days I’ve pushed myself to commit to events and it’s caught up with me finally. Thursday I helped my Mum all day with work and usually this would make me unable to do anything the next day, but the next day was my sisters birthday and I couldn’t let me fatigue stop me from sharing the day with my sister. I’ve let my family down enough and I do whatever I can to make it up to them. My sisters day wasn’t only physically draining but mentally as well because it involved going out for a meal which with my anxiety is a big effort. The day left me mentally and physically exhausted but I promised to have my sister around the next day with my Niece to do Christmas things. I woke up that day and nearly cancelled, I felt dead and I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and sleep for a week but I didn’t want to let me niece down at Christmas so I got up, I didn’t manage to get dressed and my fiancé had to make all the food and get drinks but I stumbled my way through the day and managed a nap after they had gone. I know that I pushed myself too much, Chronic Fatigue is about limiting yourself, doing small things and when it feels too much, resting because the more you push yourself, the more ill you will be when it catches up. It always catches up, you might think you’ve got away with it but you haven’t. I don’t like admitting that I can’t do something so I do it, even if it strains me, maybe I should put myself first but I’ve never been like that, I’d rather focus on other people and make them happy.
So today has been horrendous, the fatigue weighs me down, my body feels like I’ve ran a marathon and been hit by a bus at the same time. Mentally I’m exhausted, I can only just manage this post and it’s not my finest piece. I’ll probably be in bed for the next two days now and it’s frustrating because Christmas is a time to be with family and to be busy getting prepared. For me it’s about taking part in whatever I can, getting some naps in whenever I can and hoping that my body can keep up and the fallout won’t be so bad. I feel like after this Christmas I might just hibernate until next winter.