I’m not sure how I, the shy, antisocial bookworm ended up with my Fiancé Johnny who is outgoing, sociable and ambitious. We are opposites in every way, he enjoys going out with friends, meeting new people, keeping fit. He is positive and ambitious, always looks on the bright side of things and keeps himself motivated. I on the other hand hate socialising, I always see the negative in a situation, I prefer staying in to going out, reading to socialising and my expectations of life are low. Despite this, we seem to work.
I met Johnny online shortly after my third suicide attempt. My family had encouraged me to join online dating sites because my anxiety and depression really limited my abilities to meet people and I’ve always been extremely shy. I’d had a couple of bad experiences with online dating before meeting Johnny and I wasn’t really looking or hoping for anything. I was in a really bad place, I’d attempted suicide a month before and as a result had to give up my job. His message was straight forward and simple, he started off commenting on how we both had an interest in the WWE, it was innocent and not at all like some of the inappropriate cheesy messages I’d received before. Talking to him made me forget what was going on around me and I felt like a normal 20 year old. It wasn’t long before he asked to meet me and he lived half an hour away so it was perfect. I almost didn’t agree to that meeting, I was struggling with depression and I didn’t want anyone being dragged down by me, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself. It was my Mum who pushed me to meet him, she told me that sometimes we have to take a leap in life, and if it didn’t work out then at least I gave it a go. It was at this point I told Johnny about my anxiety, I couldn’t just go out to dinner like normal people and for the first time, it didn’t put someone off and we agreed to meet at a park which was quiet and pretty. My mum drove me and I begged her to turn around and take me home, my anxiety was crippling me and I didn’t think I would be able to go through with it but my mum pushed me and dropped me off. I’ll never be able to thank my Mum enough for pushing me that day.
Three years later and we’re engaged. Johnny came into my life at an extremely tough time and sometimes I think he was meant to find me then because he saved me. I had resigned myself to being alone, depression is a hard illness to cope with and it takes it’s toll on the people around you. Johnny never swayed though, he remained patient and understanding. He came to my doctors appointments and learned about my medication, eventually taking over the responsibility of making sure I took my medication and keeping it locked away so there was no risk of me overdosing again during low periods. There is a six year age gap between us and he’d experienced a lot more of life than I had, he’d been through all the partying and dating, he’d had lots of girlfriends. I’d never been to a club, never really drank alcohol and had one relationship in my life. We couldn’t have been more different but it worked because he pushed me and encouraged me to do things I’d been too scared to do. He took me shopping and to the cinema, he pushed me to go out for a meal with him and to stay at his place at weekends. It seemed like nothing to other people but my anxiety had stopped me doing these things for so long and he pushed but never forced me to try new things and he never left my side doing them.
Johnny is the most amazing man I’ve ever met, he’s been through his own share of troubles but he’s always made sure I was okay first, he’s done everything he can to support me and help me recover. Depression is a terrible illness and it doesn’t work on a schedule, I’ll have good months and bad but Johnny never gives up and he reminds me every day that he’s not going anywhere. For the first time I feel comfortable being who I am in front of someone, I don’t have to put on an act or pretend to be anything I’m not. Johnny continues to be this upbeat, positive and ambitious person who encourages and motivates me. He may be my opposite but I’m thankful for that because If i’d ended up with someone just like me, I’d never have had the courage or motivation to be better, I’d never have experienced some of the things my anxiety prevented me from doing. It works both ways too, being with me has calmed him down, he’s not the same party animal who enjoyed drinking too much alcohol and being an idiot. Johnny helped me recover and heal and I helped him settle down and realise what he wanted. We may clash and argue about the little things, he may listen to his dance music too loud and bore me with his football talk and war movies but I’d never want to be with anyone else. He is my soulmate and no matter what comes at me, I know he’ll be there to help me through it.
So sometimes, opposites really do attract.